Well its 4:08AM and I should probably be asleep but I'm not tired (as usual). I have not written on this in a while so I decided to get my thoughts out on this. Nobody really reads my blog. Well actually, that's a lie, I'm sure someone does but at least I don't have to rub it in peoples faces. It's just a safe space where I can jot down what I'm thinking. I titled this 'why?' Reason being is WHY do people talk about their friends behind their backs. Of course, I am definitely guilty of this but for some people it happens a little too often. I think that it's safe to say that my biggest pet peeve would have to be two-faced people. If someone does not like me then please say it to my face because otherwise I'm living in this fake world where I'm being lied to. To be honest, I think I'm one of the nicest, and friendliest person on this planet and people that I consider my friend should not talk negatively about me behind my back. I should probably take my own advice and next time someone says something negative about my friend behind their back I should defend them.
well now I'm tired and angry,
gonna go talk to God about this.
He'll fix it.
I'm sure of it! =]
Jennifermichelle*
Friday, April 26, 2013
Friday, July 6, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
it goes both ways
A relationship. It's supposed to be a two way thing. I talk. You talk. I call. You Call.
It usually doesn't work this way. I do a favor and I get nothing in return. I guess it teaches you a good lesson in selflessness but beyond that there are times where a friendship needs to be concrete. A friendship has to go both ways because otherwise you end up stuck in your own head, nothing goes beyond the walls of your thoughts and there's no one there to try and knock down those boundaries to build a solid relationship with you. There are times where I truly wonder who my friends are. Of course, they're there, but you can't help but to ask yourself who actually cares. Who actually goes out of their way to see you and hear from you and who you are pushing to see you because they wouldn't if they didn't "have to." I've said this from time to time. My mother always says that I have to be a part of any friendship too and I have to make an effort but I strongly believe that I am the only one pushing nearly begging to see others. Any-who, happy fourth of July everyone! Best wishes today during America's Birthday!
Love and a little joy,
Jennifermichelle*
It usually doesn't work this way. I do a favor and I get nothing in return. I guess it teaches you a good lesson in selflessness but beyond that there are times where a friendship needs to be concrete. A friendship has to go both ways because otherwise you end up stuck in your own head, nothing goes beyond the walls of your thoughts and there's no one there to try and knock down those boundaries to build a solid relationship with you. There are times where I truly wonder who my friends are. Of course, they're there, but you can't help but to ask yourself who actually cares. Who actually goes out of their way to see you and hear from you and who you are pushing to see you because they wouldn't if they didn't "have to." I've said this from time to time. My mother always says that I have to be a part of any friendship too and I have to make an effort but I strongly believe that I am the only one pushing nearly begging to see others. Any-who, happy fourth of July everyone! Best wishes today during America's Birthday!
Love and a little joy,
Jennifermichelle*
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
It just take a little bit.
Tennis. I never wanted my father to teach me or my brother, let alone a tennis instructor that my parents paid for. I wanted to do everything on my own.
School. I always strived to be the best that I could. I never accepted the fact that sometimes I needed help. Whether it was seeing my teacher after school or signing up for an tutor, I never wanted to feel less than those around me.
But I am less. And not in the way that other may imagine.
I am less than God although sometimes I like to feel like I am the only one in control of my life. I always want to do everything on my own, I want to feel all powerful and mighty when the reality of it all is that I am not. I need to realize, that that's God's job. He is all powerful and mighty and I am weak. If I can't go through it all, God will meet me halfway and help me through my struggles. A tiny bit of faith, goes such a long way.
There are time where I admire my friends and my church family so much for the faith that they have, but everyone's faith is so unique. Every individual on this planet has such a unique relationship with our God, that every faith, every story, and every relationship is different, but it's okay because it is certainly one relationship with one God. All in all, I guess what I'm trying to say is that a whole sea of faith isn't necessary to begin a relationship with God of for that matter continue one. There are countless times where I feel completely discouraged but the love of God covers that and sees beyond our wounds and comes into our lives to heal us, if we just ask. Just ask. Ask for His love, His spirit and He will give us that.
Love and Blessings,
Jennifermichelle*
School. I always strived to be the best that I could. I never accepted the fact that sometimes I needed help. Whether it was seeing my teacher after school or signing up for an tutor, I never wanted to feel less than those around me.
But I am less. And not in the way that other may imagine.
I am less than God although sometimes I like to feel like I am the only one in control of my life. I always want to do everything on my own, I want to feel all powerful and mighty when the reality of it all is that I am not. I need to realize, that that's God's job. He is all powerful and mighty and I am weak. If I can't go through it all, God will meet me halfway and help me through my struggles. A tiny bit of faith, goes such a long way.
There are time where I admire my friends and my church family so much for the faith that they have, but everyone's faith is so unique. Every individual on this planet has such a unique relationship with our God, that every faith, every story, and every relationship is different, but it's okay because it is certainly one relationship with one God. All in all, I guess what I'm trying to say is that a whole sea of faith isn't necessary to begin a relationship with God of for that matter continue one. There are countless times where I feel completely discouraged but the love of God covers that and sees beyond our wounds and comes into our lives to heal us, if we just ask. Just ask. Ask for His love, His spirit and He will give us that.
Love and Blessings,
Jennifermichelle*
Monday, July 2, 2012
disappointed.
As a child, I was never good at english. Starting off in pre-school I spoke minimal english. Basically ZERO english, because being of a Hispanic decent, Spanish was my first language. As I moved up to kindergarden by teacher, Mr. Edom, taught me everything I know (well sorta). As I grew a little older I moved onto first grade. This is where I was taken out of class to a speech class with Mrs. Delesio. This woman was amazing. In no time, I could speak english and I got rid of any accent that I could have had. Then in fourth grade I was taken out of class again because I read too quickly (whatever that means). The moral of the story is that english was never my forte. Not just the language but as I moved beyond the walls of my elementary school, middle school and high school english only became a lot more difficult. English class was certainly not the highest grade on my report card and it was not the most exciting course that I was taking. My essays were never good enough, and writing them was always a task of its own. Until I began to apply for college, my personal essay spoke my true colors. They told a story of my past, and of my life. Of who I was and who I didn't want to be ashamed of being. Until everything became personal it didn't mean much. As I moved onto college, my friend Erika Joy and I decided to start our own blogs. These posts mean something to me.
They define me.
They're bits and pieces of my life. Of my thoughts and my emotions. Those in which pass through my mind daily.
They're personal.
As I type away all my thoughts, nothing stops me, because it's genuine and true. Well at least when each are being written they are.
That's my disappointment.
There are some posts in here that describe the struggles that I have faced which means that those emotions have been and will always remain in the past, but those posts that describe myself surrendering to God should be in the past, in my present and certainly in my future.
What's the point? The point of writing these blogs, if the positive in my life isn't truly going to be permanent?
I'm disappointed. I mean disappointing God is inevitable but can't I at least try to be half a decent person? Well, that is what I'm going to start to do. I'm going to try and be the woman the God has fought for me to be.
Just my thoughts,
Jennifermichelle*
They define me.
They're bits and pieces of my life. Of my thoughts and my emotions. Those in which pass through my mind daily.
They're personal.
As I type away all my thoughts, nothing stops me, because it's genuine and true. Well at least when each are being written they are.
That's my disappointment.
There are some posts in here that describe the struggles that I have faced which means that those emotions have been and will always remain in the past, but those posts that describe myself surrendering to God should be in the past, in my present and certainly in my future.
What's the point? The point of writing these blogs, if the positive in my life isn't truly going to be permanent?
I'm disappointed. I mean disappointing God is inevitable but can't I at least try to be half a decent person? Well, that is what I'm going to start to do. I'm going to try and be the woman the God has fought for me to be.
Just my thoughts,
Jennifermichelle*
Sunday, July 1, 2012
it never runs out on me.
Why are we afraid? In general. Why do we run from our fears or from the unknown? I don't know about you but I tend to do this a lot. As soon as something gets scary, shaky, unpromising, etc. I tend to give-up. I tend to run from what's almost complete and never look back.
Why do we lose hope? In general. Why do we lose grasp of our faith and hope when everything seems dark and improbable? I don't know about you but I tend to do this a lot. As soon as something doesn't go my way, or as planned, or doesn't turn out in my favor I tend to forget about it and lose sight of what can be or what could have been.
Why is it hard to love? To actually love. Not to go around and talk to every guy in our line of vision but to actually love. To have the sense of warmth and comfort and friendship that another person can offer to you.
It's supposed to be pure.
I've been living my life in a way that just made me "attractive" to the human eye. I flirted, I was being 'too easy' for guys to 'get with.' It was fun. I felt desired. I felt wanted. I felt loved.
In reality. It wasn't love. I have never felt so low in my life. I've felt so alone. Unable to talk to anyone.
Ashamed.
Unreachable.
Lonely.
Hopeless.
Faithless.
God has broken me. He has shown me how much He desires me. This is where I feel courageous, hopeful and full of love. Among everything that I have been going through, because I let no one else in, God is the only one who knows what I'm going through. Even when I didn't even want to let him in, He stood next to me and protected me no matter what I was going through. I am ready to let God back in. I want to desire Him and I want to know His desires for my heart, and for my life. I no longer want to live a meaningless life. I am reaching out my hand. When I felt that others love and hope ran out on me His never did. He has never lost hope and I don't want to keep losing sight. This is my heart. I want my God to have it again.
Love,
Jennifermichelle*
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