disappointed.

As a child, I was never good at english. Starting off in pre-school I spoke minimal english. Basically ZERO english, because being of a Hispanic decent, Spanish was my first language. As I moved up to kindergarden by teacher, Mr. Edom, taught me everything I know (well sorta). As I grew a little older I moved onto first grade. This is where I was taken out of class to a speech class with Mrs. Delesio. This woman was amazing. In no time, I could speak english and I got rid of any accent that I could have had. Then in fourth grade I was taken out of class again because I read too quickly (whatever that means). The moral of the story is that english was never my forte. Not just the language but as I moved beyond the walls of my elementary school, middle school and high school english only became a lot more difficult. English class was certainly not the highest grade on my report card and it was not the most exciting course that I was taking. My essays were never good enough, and writing them was always a task of its own. Until I began to apply for college, my personal essay spoke my true colors. They told a story of my past, and of my life. Of who I was and who I didn't want to be ashamed of being. Until everything became personal it didn't mean much. As I moved onto college, my friend Erika  Joy and I decided to start our own blogs. These posts mean something to me.
They define me.
They're bits and pieces of my life. Of my thoughts and my emotions. Those in which pass through my mind daily.
They're personal.
As I type away all my thoughts, nothing stops me, because it's genuine and true. Well at least when each are being written they are.
That's my disappointment.
There are some posts in here that describe the struggles that I have faced which means that those emotions have been and will always remain in the past, but those posts that describe myself surrendering to God should be in the past, in my present and certainly in my future.
What's the point? The point of writing these blogs, if the positive in my life isn't truly going to be permanent?
I'm disappointed. I mean disappointing God is inevitable but can't I at least try to be half a decent person? Well, that is what I'm going to start to do. I'm going to try and be the woman the God has fought for me to be.

Just my thoughts,
Jennifermichelle*