Why do we lose hope? In general. Why do we lose grasp of our faith and hope when everything seems dark and improbable? I don't know about you but I tend to do this a lot. As soon as something doesn't go my way, or as planned, or doesn't turn out in my favor I tend to forget about it and lose sight of what can be or what could have been.
Why is it hard to love? To actually love. Not to go around and talk to every guy in our line of vision but to actually love. To have the sense of warmth and comfort and friendship that another person can offer to you.
It's supposed to be pure.
I've been living my life in a way that just made me "attractive" to the human eye. I flirted, I was being 'too easy' for guys to 'get with.' It was fun. I felt desired. I felt wanted. I felt loved.
In reality. It wasn't love. I have never felt so low in my life. I've felt so alone. Unable to talk to anyone.
Ashamed.
Unreachable.
Lonely.
Hopeless.
Faithless.
God has broken me. He has shown me how much He desires me. This is where I feel courageous, hopeful and full of love. Among everything that I have been going through, because I let no one else in, God is the only one who knows what I'm going through. Even when I didn't even want to let him in, He stood next to me and protected me no matter what I was going through. I am ready to let God back in. I want to desire Him and I want to know His desires for my heart, and for my life. I no longer want to live a meaningless life. I am reaching out my hand. When I felt that others love and hope ran out on me His never did. He has never lost hope and I don't want to keep losing sight. This is my heart. I want my God to have it again.
Love,
Jennifermichelle*
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