Well a lot of people don't know this but I have a boyfriend now. If you've kept up with my blogs (no recent ones) but you will get to know me on a deeper level in the past year. I went through a rough time with my last break up but I did grow in God so much. Right now I'm writing this blog not to tell everyone I have a boyfriend or anything or tell everyone that I'm finally happy again but I want to talk about how much pain is in my heart. My boyfriend is not a christian (his name is Jan-- irrelevant, I know, but that's his name nonetheless). We began as a mere 'hook-up' or what not. This brought both of us a lot of pain. We were always in arguments and somehow would end up 'back together again.' Anyways I finally took him back and I definately don't regret it. This boy finally respects my decisions; encourages me not to drink, smoke, or fall into sexual sin anymore. The more I am pulled away from this sin the more temptation falls over us. We have been very strong lately and have not fallen into this thing (me, by the power of God and him, because it's not what he wants). Now, this seems like he's the perfect guy (well near perfect, since no one's perfect) but lo and behold he's not a Christian. This breaks my heart. He believes in God, he says he prays enough but it isn't enough. My prayer for him is that God overwhelms him, that Gods love overflows from his heart to his mouth and mind and that he expresses that same pure love towards me. I want us to be in love through God. I always say that I love him and I do but I want this love to be profound, the love that is felt through God and I. Anyways, wow this was a good way to get out all my emotions right now. I know I'm just ranting and going on tangents but the reason I decided to write this was because I just began crying in Jan's room. he asked me why and I said because I miss my mom. I video chatted with her today and I just got so home-sick. I miss my friends from home and especially my friend Erika Joy. I miss Erika more than she knows and I just feel like a horrible friend because I haven't told her that I have a boyfriend just because I'm scared of her reaction and I'm scared of her being right. Erika I know you're going to get an e-mail or something about my new post and I want to say that I love you as a sister in christ that you mean more than you know to me. I know we get in arguments at times but you are my sister. I don't know what I would do without you Erika! <3 I hope you can be happy for me and Jan and just pray immensely that Jan comes to know Jesus. I expect a phone call from you soon.
Love and kisses,
Jen Michelle*
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