Not hidden

I think I've been living a napkin sort of faith all my life. Hiding who I am, who God is. Keeping Him to myself. Isn't that being selfish? Only wanting, whether intentional or not, God for oneself? Lately, change has been going on in my life. I mean, everyone goes through change, but change just hit me in the face at the end of August 2010. I moved into college, as you may or may not know. I have been away from my family,  been given a numerous amount of responsibilities and on top of it all, I'm 4 hours away from home.

Of course, 4 hours isn't that bad yet I feel so alone.

This past weekend I went on a retreat with InterVarsity (the Christian group on campus) and learned so much about God's love. God's love is sufficient for me. That is honestly all I need right now. "Unconditional Love is: When we learn to accept people who disappoint us by no longer requiring them to satisfy us, then we are free to love them, to reach toward them for their sake without having to protect ourselves from feeling disappointed by their response to us." - Author unknown ♥ 
This is how God loves us. He forgives us and even if we were dead in our transgressions, He has saved us through His grace. Pure grace. He didn't have to die on the cross for us, but He loved and still loves us so much that God sent His one and only son to die on the cross for us, and free us from bondage. 


I'll start with that. This retreat showed me that I need God's love more than anything right now. That it is sufficient now and forever. That I don't need to be in a relationship with austin or any guy for that matter right now in order to be happy. So of course I thought I was over him. At the retreat they were giving out 2 books The healing journey and The middle of the road. I took the healing journey thinking ughhh why did i take it... I don't need to heal I'm fine.wrong. God works in funny ways it's just great. As I began reading it I learned that austin (the austin we know now, who knows what God has for the future) was not right for me. And as I've been meeting a lot of guys here at loyola, I was like how do I know if they're the right one? I'm not going for other guys but how would I possibly know if they're the right one. So I have learned that I just need to keep learning about Gods love and once I find it, which I am and truly can discern it from humanly love, I'll be at the point where dating is only a mere possibility. Once I find the right guy, I know God's love will be manifested through them and I'll know they're the right one. Of course I've done a lot of crap this year that I'm not proud of but God has given everyone a second chance. How awesome and amazing is that? I'm so unworthy yet, God loves me more than austin did, more than you do, more than mom and dad ever will. It's so amazing i love you guys so much and I'm just offering my whole heart to God because I need Him to fill my emptiness. I need Him to be the one to heal me and not anything more. He is enough, He is the great provider and He will provide for me in times of need. He is my stronghold and my fortress, my one and true love. He is love, not just my love, but Love in general. God will show me the depths of His heart and show me His desires for me as opposed to my own desires for my life. How I've missed God. But He has never left me because He promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us. He promised us that because He IS truth. 


Everything that is in red is part of an inbox that I sent to my younger brother on facebook. That was God speaking through me, because Jen. Me, myself, would never have written that. God is living within me, I know that He is Lord, that He is the only one that can satisfy me right now. 


You called my name, reach out your hand, restored my life, and I was redeemed the moment You entered my life.
Amazing Grace, Christ gave that day, my life was changed, when from my shoulders, fell the weight of my sin.
So it's with everything I am, I reach out for Your hand, the hope for change, the second chance I've gained. On You I throw my life, casting all my fears aside. How could greater love than this ever possibly exist.
Consume my thoughts as I rest in You, I'm now in love, with a Savior, bearing the marks of His love.
So it's with everything I am, I reach out for Your hand, the hope for change, the second chance I've gained. On You I throw my life, casting all my fears aside. How could greater love than this ever possibly exist. (x2)
So I wait upon You now, with my hands released to You, where a little faith's enough, to see mountains lift and move. And I'll wait upon You now, dedicated to Your will, to this love that will remain, a love that NEVER fails..... ~Hillsong <3


This song has showed me everything that I needed to realize during my time so far here in college. It's always been hard for me to forgive myself. But I need to realize that God has given me a second chance. He forgave me already, His never ending love and mercy has been poured upon me.  "HOW COULD GREATER LOVE THAN THIS, EVER POSSIBLY EXIST." <3 


Jennifermichelle*